There is no need to be worried or anxious when hanging around guys. After all, guys are human, too, and no one is perfect. By knowing how to start conversations with guys, and by learning how to feel and look confident, hanging around guys can become as natural as hanging out with your best friends.
1Starting Conversations with Guys
- 1Ask about their interests. You can begin to become confident around guys by starting a conversation with them. There is no better way to start a conversation than by asking someone about their interests. For example, start a conversation by asking them what sports or video games they like to play. You can also ask more generally what their interests are—do they like going to the movies or concerts?
- You can start by saying, “This past weekend I saw that new horror movie, X. It was great! Have any of you seen it yet?”
- Try to stick to topics that interest these particular guys to keep the conversation flowing. Listen to what they say and respond in a positive manner, for example, “Oh, sounds like a great game! I wish I had the time to watch it this past weekend.”
- 2Be humorous and witty. Keep things light by adding humor to the conversation. You can be humorous by sharing something funny that happened to you, especially if it happened that day. Or, perhaps something funny happened in class the other day; re-tell the story. On the other hand, if someone else is telling a joke or relating a funny story, laugh heartily (and genuinely) at their joke.
- If you’re good at telling jokes, try telling a joke; however, try to avoid insensitive jokes, and try to avoid making too many jokes. This can be off-putting.
- 3Compliment them. Everyone loves to get compliments. Compliment athletes on a great game they played over the weekend. For example, “You guys played great last Friday. It looks like you guys are really dedicated.” You can also compliment guys on their clothes or shoes, for example, “Those are awesome shoes.”
- If you are really bold, compliment a guy on his looks. For example, “Wow, Dave, you have been looking great these past couple of weeks. Have you been working out?”
- 4Spend time with men you are comfortable with. You can practice interacting with and relating to guys by spending more time with guys you are comfortable around. Spend more time with male family members (your dad, brother, or male cousin) or male acquaintances, like your friend’s brother.
- While you are hanging out with them, try to take note of the things they talk about. You can also ask them for advice, for example, “What are some good conversation starters with guys?” or, “What kind of traits do guys find appealing or attractive in people, as friends or as something more?”
- 5Rehearse how the conversation will go. You can ensure your confidence the next time you are around guys by rehearsing what you will say. For example, make a list of conversation starters and practice saying them in front of the mirror. Pay attention to your facial expressions to make sure they are friendly and inviting, as opposed to timid or shy.
- If want to add humor to your conversations, practice telling your jokes so when the occasion arises you can tell them confidently.
- 6Don’t over talk. When interacting with guys, it could be tempting to talk too much, especially if you are nervous. If you find yourself talking too much, try to redirect the conversation by asking one of the guys a question, for example “What do you think?" or “How do you think the Eagles played last night?”. You could even admit your mistake in order to open the conversation up to let someone else speak. For example, “I’m sorry. I’ve been talking way too much. What do you guys want to talk about?”
- Hint: you know you are over-talking when you are the only one talking and everyone is quiet. You can also tell that you are over-talking when people start to show signs of disinterest, for example by looking at their watch or phone repeatedly, or looking away and avoiding eye contact.
- 7Be a good listener. Asking people about themselves and letting them have a chance to speak is only one part of the equation — you need to listen, too! When the other person is talking, remove all distractions (put away your phone, turn off the TV, etc.), make eye contact, and don't think about how you're going to respond, because then you will no longer be listening. You aren't going to make a very good impression if you keep looking at your phone or constantly asking the person to repeat themselves or saying, "Huh? What did you say?"
- Show that you are listening by nodding and occasionally making sounds when appropriate (like "Uh-huh") to show you are following. Ask follow-up questions, even just "Wow, can you tell me more about that?"
2Boosting Your Self-Confidence
- 1Take pride in who you are. You can be confident around guys by being yourself and knowing your worth. Know your worth by embracing your unique qualities and talents. Are you great at writing, playing soccer, or doing math? Are you a movie, fashion, or book guru? What are the qualities that your friends and family love about you most?
- Make a list of your qualities and talents. Go over this list once a week to remind yourself that you have a lot to offer, not only to yourself, but to the world.
- 2Regulate your self-talk. If you find yourself saying, "I can't do this. They are going to think I'm weird, boring, or ugly," you need to reverse these thoughts. Remember the list you made that identifies your best qualities and talents. Remind yourself that you are interesting, and that anyone would enjoy talking with you.
- You will begin to see that the more positive messages you send to yourself, the more confident you are.
- 3Step out of your comfort zone. Increase your self-confidence by stepping out of your comfort zone. Try to step out of your comfort zone at least two times a week. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you will have more experiences to talk about and share with others. This will make you look interesting and adventurous in others' eyes.
- Step out of your comfort zone by doing something different. For example, go to a restaurant that serves food from parts of the world you have never been to or know little about. Or, if you're not very artistic, go to your local art museum.
- 4Bring a friend with you. You can ease any situation with guys by having a support network. So, bring a friend or two with you in case things go stale or awkward. Let your friend know that you are little uncomfortable being around guys, but that you would like to get over it, and want to enlist their support. Having that extra support will boost your confidence because you will know if things go wrong, they can try to pick up the conversation.
- Try bringing a friend that already knows one of the guys or has rapport built up with one of the guys. Sometimes a conversation between two people can be grounds for a conversation starter between other people in the group.
3Looking the Part
- 1Make eye contact. By looking confident, you can also feel confident around guys. Show confidence by maintaining eye contact with the person who is speaking. Eye contact shows interest, as well as respect for the person who is talking. You will make the guy feel like what he has to say is important, and thus, he will speak more freely.
- 2Dress with confidence. Always try to dress for the occasion. If it will be a comfortable occasion, dress comfortably. If the occasion is more formal, dress more formally. Make sure your outfit is clean and that it matches. Also, wear outfits that you are comfortable in. For example, if you are uncomfortable wearing heels, then wear cute flats or tennis shoes instead. Or, if you like wearing hats, like baseball caps, wear a baseball cap that complements your outfit.
- Try to choose colors that complement your skin tone. Colors that complement your skin tone will make your skin glow and your eyes sparkle.
- 3Have good posture. Your posture also signals that you are confident in your own skin. Try not to hold your head low or droop. Instead, hold your head level, with your back straight and your shoulders square. Also, walk at a normal pace. Don’t walk too fast or slow, and try not to stumble over your feet. Also, try to be relaxed. Instead of crossing your arms, or hiding your hands behind your back, let them hang naturally at your sides.
- 4Try not to fidget. Sometimes people look or feel nervous or awkward because they aren't sure what to do with their hands while talking with someone. Try placing your hands in your back pockets or coat pockets, or on your hips. If you're sitting, keep your hands in your lap or folded on the table. You can also use a prop — hold your backpack or purse strap, or hold a bottle of water in one hand.